"The whiskey you bought me, I was afraid to unscrew it, the Gypsy woman told me it was embalming fluid. You got a Black Cat Bone and a Buzzard Feather, a John the Conquer Root and they're all tied together" --CONJURED by Wynnonie Harris.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Past & Present Elucidations

Elucidations of the Tempest
In A Moment of Darkness

“It is only when you are lost, that you are truly found”

The quote above resonates ever so clearly on the frontier of thought and contemplation, like the reverberation of ebon-thunderous clouds rolling over landscapes transfixed in seizure, of what were once emerald valleys abundant with lucid contemplation gilded dreams of spiritual illumination and peaceful notions... now beset by the hooves of tempest and problematical deliberation. For quite some time I have attempted to write this post, placed it aside, tinkered with it and even criticized it with a mode of logical and illogical questioning; was I in fact being too harsh on current impediments and not observing it in a more conventional manner or not indifferent enough to the situation which has forbiddingly loomed over my head for the past few months- allegorically... resembling the visual illustration in fugue, of raven’s wings where their blackness became much like a crown, clouding better judgment. I tend to review my own writings of a more personal nature over a period of time, as to reflect upon them and take in from my own words what it truly is I require most—so excuse me if I seem to be rambling on and moving in circles as this composition of opinion, philosophy, forethought and emotion is an accumulation of past and present experience, theory and belief that has surfaced over these past couple of months. In a sense it has brought me into my own ‘becoming’ and ‘awakening’—a sense of realization that I have cheated myself of my own personal growth by not following instinctive intuitions and the writing on the wall.

Without going into too much depth, in the past, I have found myself in the company of some rather negative influences that came into my life in the glory of friendship, acceptance and even open-mindedness. With this faux company, I had discovered that no one was worthy enough; nothing was good enough, no lifestyle opulent enough, or gave enough to be warranted equal status. Other Pagans and Witches were not considered valuable or precious enough to be juxtaposed to this person’s presence... and I found myself taking on the same unconstructive and pessimistic values of materialism, selfishness and vanity so proudly and openly discussed and displayed. But worst of all judgmental and critical of appearances and lifestyles, this reflected negatively not only on me as a person but also the relationships around me. Shameful enough to be subjective and influenced by ‘conditional’ friendship, eventually all that I had strived to achieve dwindled away into distrust and emptiness, rendering naught but a nefarious residue of all that had been lost due to foul remark and lack of rational conclusion. The behaviour and demeanour of this person grew from negative to contaminated odium, filled with resentment, attention seeking, sympathetic ploys to gain favour from friends and acquaintances while trashing others lifestyles, relationships, personal appearance, hygiene and occupations behind their backs and declaring to be of the Goddess, standing in love, truth, forgiveness and sacredness. Little does this person know or realize, is that our sacredness doesn’t resume itself in the house we live in, the clothes we wear or any materialism outside of pure spirit- it rests inside of us, and everyone is entitled to their own sanctity of sacredness free of judgment and scorn without one instigating another Witch Hunt.

It wasn’t until I was to do something of a sordid nature, defaming another and cosset in couture to their grudges-- should one not live and let live or live and learn at least? The true epitome of wisdom and understanding... it seemed my refusal wasn’t received well and because of this, denigration and slur was in turn publically noted and posted for all to comment, mock and offer sympathy while other’s lives were being misconstrued and twisted for their amusements by reducing others to fetid allusion and offensive monikers. Those who responded... considered it, to be acceptable so long as it wasn’t their lives being torn apart by the incessant and incoherent rants. It was then that I sat back, and analysed past, present and future. I am no innocent, but I do not profess nor affirm to be, and have played my theatrics to the best of performances to scoff at individuals whom have come into close proximity within my past and done things I am justly and openly ashamed of. However, I did not attempt to resolve my guilt by pointing the finger at others whilst hiding behind the veil of accusation like a coward. Mine was acceptance in full of my sins, wrongs and ill-doings by taking responsibility for what came from the mouth, mind or through typing upon a keyboard to be displayed virtually like an open book. It is only by being honest with ourselves that we can expect to forgive ourselves and hence begin a healing process before others can forgive us for those errors of action and reaction. Until we can stand up and hold ourselves accountable for the actions and reactions we commit against others we can hardly expect it from those whom have been victims to our foul tongues and deeds.

This is the reason why I have taken some time to reflect upon this, and attempt to make amends to those whom I have wronged, a deserved apology—it isn’t that I seek to re-establish certain links or mend bridges that have long burned and turned to ashes. It is to set an example in some and positive closure not only myself but those who have been affected by damaging and destructive behaviours from myself, and only caused by myself. There was never a puppeteer or other influence that governed these reactions, only that of vindictiveness and possibly spite. I too sailed many seas of these bitter emotions, until I missed the earth beneath my feet and so, I sought the shores of absolution and focused on my own ethics and morale. For those who have been hurt by my actions, I offer an admission of guilt and a request for forgiveness, deserving from some and not so in others, sometimes this is our penance, our lot in life that we must accept at times in order to move on. Not everyone is as diligent in their leniency or compassion, as the saying goes “Once bitten, twice as shy” but it doesn’t mean they have to allow a grudge to harbour within their hearts and mind, rent free. Forgiveness doesn’t licence the person to replicate the transgression; I personally feel it makes you the healthier person and more the wiser, they say we learn through experience and we should learn from both the positive and negative relations bought to us on the highway of life.

During this time, I have affixed my concentration to Hekate, Queen of Ghosts, Goddess of the Crossroads, the Liminal, the Underworld, the Dead, Midwife, Queen/Mistress of Heaven, Earth, Sea and Hell—all which can be taken literally, but should also be taken figuratively and symbolically. This could mean that metaphorically... Ghosts could also refer to the residue of past relationships and experience that seem to linger in our daily life, which seem to haunt us either by thought, mistakes, accident or misfortune. Crossroads can refer to obstacles of path and indecision of the right choice in all matters of existence, unsureness of our way and not willing to take the risk of venturing either way for fear of failure. The Liminal, caught between decisions and indecisiveness, stuck in a situation or relationship that no longer benefits your happiness and contentment. The Midwife, who can sever the cords of unhealthy ties and connections, who can tend to us from the waters of purification to be reborn. The Dead, the taking away of bad habits, negativity, unwanted emotions and reminiscences, unhealthy addictions and relationships that are past but still possess connections to you whether by initial influence or outside influence that prevent you from reaching your truest potential and progressing to obtain goals and dreams. Being the Dark Mistress of the hapless, restless and tormented—what can be more ill-fated and wretched than pestering emotions, restiveness of despondency, culpable remorse, personal hang-ups and all things we hang onto for no constructive or purposeful use, only that which poisons our hearts, soul and mind making it difficult to sincerely give ourselves the proper spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing we rightfully deserve.

There has been many times where I have sat in the darkness, allowed the inertia of that element to fluctuate over me like a funeral shroud; it is like being reborn all over again. There is so much taboo centred around ‘darkness’ in all its guises and metaphors; but it is only in this element that I feel I can actually heal. Emblematic is the catalyst of the butterfly, slumbering in the silken void of a cocoon; the primordial portrait of transformation and rebirth. And it is only in the darkness that the light can guide us, from one stagnant position to one that is more continual and flowing, a journey into the shadow self where all our negativities and fears evolve and crouch within like a cancerous infestation. A leech upon the soul, that drains our spirit of all its nourishments and healthy emotions leaving nothing but infectious natures and acrimonious malice—regardless how one may like to try and define it as anything but malice, it is their words, intent and gesture that determine its distinctness. And this is where I have classified my analysis of recent events that have led me to a more solitary take on my own conscience and preference of company that has made removal or some and provided a warm and loving welcome to other people, those who have fought to remove ill people and situations from their lives for the better of their own sanity, happiness and health. It is Here that we come to see that the only one we answer to, by our own will and actions is ourselves, and what we subject ourselves to, is by our own doing and our own choice—if it goes sour, there is no divine law that can determine it as anything but, a lesson served to us for a learning process and regardless what the outcome. The message providing something of value, hidden, so that it can only be seen if we open our eyes and hearts to it, find the key to unlock the mystery and observe the value in it, and not the end result of destruction, torpor or creation because of it.

Personally through my own experience, I have found working with Hekate is best done solitary, it gives the experience a more individual union, places ourselves entirely before Her and makes that experience all the more rewarding to you personally as opposed to central workings within a group that sometimes can take away from the experience. How it particularized reflects and resonates when one meets Her alone, it challenges all fear, doubt, phobia, apprehension and unease because such things have no place before the grandeur of Hekate. These sensations and impressions can greatly inhibit your awareness, perception and intuition; and avert you from ‘blossoming into your becoming’ therefore keeping you in a sense of embryonic state until self-consciousness and reserve no longer held fast like chains about your ankles. Hekate challenges you, to face many things, some that you may not like, accept or acknowledge and some you may never of considered or realized... but it is only in that knowing that you can truly acclaim to work with Hekate, when you take responsibility for your own actions and embrace come what may, that we are deserving of Her omnipotent presence and radiance. To honour Hekate is to honour ourselves, the real conundrum that prevents so many from not connecting to Her, is that we have to fully surrender ourselves to Her, cast aside the mortal coil of physical attainment and materialism, seek a more spiritual and otherworldly motivation. To surrender is the sacrifice of the self and there is no other sacrifice greater than it—augmentation of veneration through the dedication of the self, our ‘becoming’, our consciousness and illumination.

For me, taking a step back has had a positive outcome for me, to unravel my thoughts; to take a hiatus from both the virtual world and practical world... thus far all has been refreshing, given enough to recharge the batteries a little and return some sense of blessed tranquillity to the mind and senses. Having the time to figure out where some things are going without having another’s thoughts or influences interject with the motion of probability. I find the internet at times is a double-edged blade that can either inspire or deaden all forms of creativity to the point of inactivity, languidness and somnolent concepts. It more ways than one, it is actually a breeding ground for contagion negative egregore and psychopomps that wish to ‘feed’ of your energies, idealisms and emotions... it is why we should strive to make our time on the internet a positive and enjoyable one. It is easy to sit back and absorb the things we read and believe them to be our own thoughts, it is the way the mind processes information once subjected to it. In this sense of philosophy, I am not stating that reading others writings is necessarily an unpleasant one, just occasionally it is accommodating to figure out unerringly what you are pondering without external stimulus and influence. So, with this ‘Shedding of skins’ I have been working on a ceremony that involves lifting the veil and the separation of unwanted ties, banishment of negative entities and objects which will be conducted on the evening of this Dark Moon beneath the adjudicator of heavenly stars. My hopes, that this transformation will truly ascend me in the prospect of being a better person, who walks in illumination and speaks in beauteous eloquence, free from the constraint of regret and ignominy, untainted by the influence of others perceptions and opinions... and then, with each metamorphosis of Shedding skin, shall it forever bring me closer to Hekate and my dutiful potential as a daughter and Priestess of Hekate, to serve, teach and learn from others who are liberated of prejudice and intolerance: Boundless in their own existence, not transfixed in the destruction of another’s.

Hekate brings us to face transformation, death and rebirth, which today's society and culture find as taboo or frightening hence She is depicted as the Dark Crone keeper of the Dead, the Mistress of the Hapless Wanderers of Night, Queen of Ghosts. The ancient Greeks and Romans however referred to Her as the Maiden, perhaps due to the ancient belief system that Death was actually more profound to the soul than actual life and was the true beginning to our journey for it was the greatest of all tasks and tests-- to separate from the physical and enter the spiritual; that Death was nothing to fear, and even in some cases a great honour, to ascend. The spiritual awareness of Her quintessence that we have come to know as Hekate, the light-bearer. So, Hekate is far more than just the Dark Crone, Maiden or Mother... it is She who guides the Soul and the offers illumination to the Seeker, who blesses a new life born into this world, She who nurtures the soul upon its departure and who brings abundance, protection, wisdom and elucidation to those who honour and respect Her.