"The whiskey you bought me, I was afraid to unscrew it, the Gypsy woman told me it was embalming fluid. You got a Black Cat Bone and a Buzzard Feather, a John the Conquer Root and they're all tied together" --CONJURED by Wynnonie Harris.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Past & Present Elucidations

Elucidations of the Tempest
In A Moment of Darkness

“It is only when you are lost, that you are truly found”

The quote above resonates ever so clearly on the frontier of thought and contemplation, like the reverberation of ebon-thunderous clouds rolling over landscapes transfixed in seizure, of what were once emerald valleys abundant with lucid contemplation gilded dreams of spiritual illumination and peaceful notions... now beset by the hooves of tempest and problematical deliberation. For quite some time I have attempted to write this post, placed it aside, tinkered with it and even criticized it with a mode of logical and illogical questioning; was I in fact being too harsh on current impediments and not observing it in a more conventional manner or not indifferent enough to the situation which has forbiddingly loomed over my head for the past few months- allegorically... resembling the visual illustration in fugue, of raven’s wings where their blackness became much like a crown, clouding better judgment. I tend to review my own writings of a more personal nature over a period of time, as to reflect upon them and take in from my own words what it truly is I require most—so excuse me if I seem to be rambling on and moving in circles as this composition of opinion, philosophy, forethought and emotion is an accumulation of past and present experience, theory and belief that has surfaced over these past couple of months. In a sense it has brought me into my own ‘becoming’ and ‘awakening’—a sense of realization that I have cheated myself of my own personal growth by not following instinctive intuitions and the writing on the wall.

Without going into too much depth, in the past, I have found myself in the company of some rather negative influences that came into my life in the glory of friendship, acceptance and even open-mindedness. With this faux company, I had discovered that no one was worthy enough; nothing was good enough, no lifestyle opulent enough, or gave enough to be warranted equal status. Other Pagans and Witches were not considered valuable or precious enough to be juxtaposed to this person’s presence... and I found myself taking on the same unconstructive and pessimistic values of materialism, selfishness and vanity so proudly and openly discussed and displayed. But worst of all judgmental and critical of appearances and lifestyles, this reflected negatively not only on me as a person but also the relationships around me. Shameful enough to be subjective and influenced by ‘conditional’ friendship, eventually all that I had strived to achieve dwindled away into distrust and emptiness, rendering naught but a nefarious residue of all that had been lost due to foul remark and lack of rational conclusion. The behaviour and demeanour of this person grew from negative to contaminated odium, filled with resentment, attention seeking, sympathetic ploys to gain favour from friends and acquaintances while trashing others lifestyles, relationships, personal appearance, hygiene and occupations behind their backs and declaring to be of the Goddess, standing in love, truth, forgiveness and sacredness. Little does this person know or realize, is that our sacredness doesn’t resume itself in the house we live in, the clothes we wear or any materialism outside of pure spirit- it rests inside of us, and everyone is entitled to their own sanctity of sacredness free of judgment and scorn without one instigating another Witch Hunt.

It wasn’t until I was to do something of a sordid nature, defaming another and cosset in couture to their grudges-- should one not live and let live or live and learn at least? The true epitome of wisdom and understanding... it seemed my refusal wasn’t received well and because of this, denigration and slur was in turn publically noted and posted for all to comment, mock and offer sympathy while other’s lives were being misconstrued and twisted for their amusements by reducing others to fetid allusion and offensive monikers. Those who responded... considered it, to be acceptable so long as it wasn’t their lives being torn apart by the incessant and incoherent rants. It was then that I sat back, and analysed past, present and future. I am no innocent, but I do not profess nor affirm to be, and have played my theatrics to the best of performances to scoff at individuals whom have come into close proximity within my past and done things I am justly and openly ashamed of. However, I did not attempt to resolve my guilt by pointing the finger at others whilst hiding behind the veil of accusation like a coward. Mine was acceptance in full of my sins, wrongs and ill-doings by taking responsibility for what came from the mouth, mind or through typing upon a keyboard to be displayed virtually like an open book. It is only by being honest with ourselves that we can expect to forgive ourselves and hence begin a healing process before others can forgive us for those errors of action and reaction. Until we can stand up and hold ourselves accountable for the actions and reactions we commit against others we can hardly expect it from those whom have been victims to our foul tongues and deeds.